Let’s begin by defining what a Christian marriage is.
According to the Bible, the Christian marriage is the covenant union between a
man and a woman. Genesis 2:24: "Therefore a man shall leave his father
and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one
flesh." So marriage in God’s plan is the union between the opposite genders,
man and woman.
Today, we are going to talk about godliness in marriage. For
us to do justice to this topic, we would have to know the meaning of “godliness.”
What is godliness? Godliness is a term used to describe qualities or actions that reflect the
character and nature of God. It is the state of being devoted to God,
living in accordance with His will, and exhibiting His qualities and attributes
in one's life.
·
Godliness includes aspects such as humility,
righteousness, holiness, compassion, kindness, obedience, and a heart that
seeks to honor and please God in all things. It is the practice of putting God
first in one's life and seeking to align one's thoughts, words, and actions
with His principles and teachings.
So for us to have a godly marriage, God has to be the center
of the marriage and everything has to revolve around him. Christ has to be the head of the marriage and
household. I remember when I was younger, we had this wall hanging that had
the inscriptions, “Christ is the head of
this house. The unseen guest at every occasion. The silent listener to every conversation.”
I hope some of you have heard this or also had it in your homes.
The attributes of Christ should permeate through the
marriage at all times. He should be the ultimate decision maker so He has to be
asked for His input before the final decision in the marriage is arrived at. A
godly marriage has Jesus as the captain of the ship giving commands and
directions.
1.
The foundation of a godly marriage is a strong relationship with God: Colossians
3:16: "Let the word of Christ dwell
in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing
psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to
God."
If you do not have strong relationship with God, you will not have any
godly principles or qualities to bring into the marriage relationship. It is
important that couples should develop strong personal relationship with God
first and then transfer that godly relationship to each other. You cannot give
what you don’t have. If you have love for God, you would have love for your
spouse. If you are unfaithful to God, you will be unfaithful to your spouse.
Your love for spouse is a reflection of your love for God.
2. One of the godliness we must manifest in
marriage is seen in Ephesians 5:21: "Submitting to one another out of
reverence for Christ."
Reverence is a feeling of deep respect, honor, and awe
towards someone or something. Reverence is seen as an important
aspect of religious worship and devotion, and is seen as a means of expressing
one's love and devotion to the divine.
·
We are called to submit to one another out of
deep respect towards Christ who is the Head of the marriage.
·
God is a God of order so He has given us the
prescription for marriage to run peacefully and efficiently.
Ephesians 5:22-33:
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is
the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is
himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should
submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ
loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her,
having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might
present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such
thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands
should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves
himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,
just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body."
What does it mean to
submit to one another?
-
The idea behind this principle "Submit to
one another" is that Christians should demonstrate a spirit of humility
and mutual respect in their relationships with one another, putting the needs
and well-being of others ahead of their own.
-
This does not mean that one person has ultimate
authority over another, but rather that each person should be willing to yield
their own desires and ambitions in order to serve and care for others.
-
The idea of submitting to one another is rooted
in the idea of loving one's neighbor as oneself, and is seen as an essential
aspect of the Christian life.
-
When practiced in the context of marriage,
submitting to one another involves a mutual willingness to put the needs of the
relationship and the well-being of the other person ahead of one's own desires
and interests. So, a godly marriage
requires mutual respect and a commitment to putting the needs of one's spouse
above one's own:
Philippians
2:3-4: "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count
others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his
own interests, but also to the interests of others."
-
As the husband submits to Christ, he becomes
Christ-like and begins to love the wife as Christ loved His church
unconditionally. The wife submits to the husband out of respect and deep love
for Christ. The husband in turn loves the wife even more out of submission to
Christ and the cycle repeats itself and the marriage becomes stronger and
stronger.
-
1 Peter
3:7: "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,
showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you
of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."
Submission requires the husband to show honor, understanding,
and respect to the wife as unto Christ. It is a powerful principle that opens the doors for answers to
prayers, since submission to each other is submission to Christ’s Lordship and
Christ answers the prayers of those who submit to him.
The idea of submission is the area under attack by
worldviews influenced by the devil. Some wives feel they lose their identity
and rights by submitting to their husbands. They forget that the designer of
marriage has given the criteria for a successful marriage that must be followed
to make the marriage work efficiently. We need to pray for God’s will to be
established in Christian marriages.
3. Communication is another critical principle
in a godly marriage:
-
Communication is the exchange of information,
ideas, thoughts, and emotions between individuals or groups. It is a vital
aspect of human interaction, and is necessary for the building and maintenance
of relationships. Effective communication involves listening as well as
speaking, and requires the ability to express oneself clearly and understand
the perspectives of others. Effective communication is essential in building
strong, healthy relationships with others, and is seen as a means of promoting
understanding, resolving conflicts, and expressing love and care for one
another.
-
How spouse communicate with one another is very
important. James 1:19: "Know this,
my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to
anger." We must do more listening than talking. Sometimes we are quick
to talk and we may miss the point our spouses are making. Let’s give each other
the chance to speak before we jump into making conclusions. When we understand
each other’s point of view, we are less likely to get angry.
-
Colossians
4:6: "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you
may know how you ought to answer each person." If we listen to each
other attentively, we can always respond appropriately. By so doing, our speech
is seasoned with salt and our responses would be gracious.
4. Love and forgiveness should be at the
center of every godly marriage:
1
Corinthians 13:4-7: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or
boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not
irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with
the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things."
Ephesians
4:32: "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as
God in Christ forgave you."
Colossians 3:12-14: "Put on
then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness,
humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a
complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you,
so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds
everything together in perfect harmony."
5. Godly couples should strive to serve one
another and serve others as a team:
Galatians 5:13: "For you were
called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for
the flesh, but through love serve one another."
Philippians 2:4: "Let each of
you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of
others."
The two are one which means team
work. Godly couples should work as a team to be able to achieve their God-given
purpose for coming together in marriage.
6. Couples should make time for intimacy and
romance in their marriage:
"1
Corinthians 7:2-5: "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality,
each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband
should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her
husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the
husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but
the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a
limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together
again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of
self-control."
7.
Finally, godly couples should seek to honor God
in all aspects of their marriage and to make Him the foundation of their lives
together: Colossians 3:17: "And
whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God the Father through him."
If you are having some challenges in manifesting godliness in
your marriage, I urge you according to Proverbs 3:5-6: that, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your
paths straight. May God restore your marriage today in Jesus’ name.
Amen!
